One day he came home from a 2nd shift and told me about this girl he couldn't stand working with. I had been doing a lot of drugs at the time and was trying to clean up my act. I had crazy dreams while coming off the drugs, and his story happened to line up perfectly with the one I had the night prior. He comes at me and tells me "Theres this retarded girl with blue hair I work with named Paris..." I had already ignored everything after that. I told him "That's the girl I'm gonna marry." And when I started working there, we immediately hit it off and started dating. One of the first songs I showed her was White Balloons. This song turned me to her, because she looked straight into my heart and forgot about everything else from the time I met her. She was a bright spark, and I was a dull rock. I fell hard, and so did she. The honeymoon phase of our relationship lasted over a year, and I wanted to marry this girl. I wrote the lyrics down on a sheet of paper with the nicest pen strokes that I could, drew a picture of her, and wrapped it up and gave it to her as my initiation present to this relationship. She was everything to me, and it turned out she was quite the muse. I quit drugs altogether and was happy making her the center of my universe for a little bit.
Over the course of the next few years the spark started to die out, but we still loved each other, and we we're loyal. We wanted to make it work, we just felt that we needed to be on our own, just the two of us. No roommates, no distractions. Just us. And somewhere along the way I shut down and couldn't handle the pressure of trying to make ends meet all while keeping up with the illusionary expectation to take care of everything in her life too.
Well, it's been three years guys. And after three years of struggling to make ends meet with this girl, our finances, and figuring out our lives, she came home one day and packed her stuff and left. I had went to work a 2nd shift that day and we had talked about getting a bottle of wine and drinking together to pick things back up. She already had it in her mind that she was leaving, so she texted while at work and told me she moved in with this woman she worked with at her new job. She assured me that we we're still together, but that we needed some geography to fix things. After some resistance, I finally said okay, and we tried to make it work. Turns out she was cheating on me with some dude she just met working there.
I went through every possible human emotion these past few weeks, and I even tried to tell her that it was okay, that if we just worked it out we could repair this relationship. She doesn't even care, and she's still hanging with the dude. My friend's have been telling me since the beginning that I deserve better, that I could do better. I didn't care though, I do better under pressure from the rest of the world, and as long as she stayed with me I was impenetrable. I haven't let myself get depressed, and I told everyone not to let me fall into it again, and if I say anything remotely nice about missing her to punch me in the face. I know now that I'm angry, I've been looking for a fight anywhere, but I'm doing my best to let it go and move on. I drink nothing but water now, been working out, and started singing again like I used to. I used to sing to her, pretty much anything off of the Tri-Polar album. I love metal, but she didn't, so I would sing her White Balloons. She had a voice too, and we would sing in duet. I have a harder time with the high notes so she would cover that part.
Just yesterday I found out that SP is coming to the Metroplex here in Arkansas, and I got sad and excited at the same time. I'd love to go see you guys... but at the same time I have no one to bring, and I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing anyone anyway. It's my time now. I don't know. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. I guess it's because that song has a lot of significance to my life right now, and I wanted to share the love for it's creation in this place, where I was told the band connects to it's fans. It's not an expensive show by any means, but I don't know if I'm ready for it. Anyways, that's my story in a nutshell. Nice to meet all of you
"You can't regret what you don't decide." 
