SPWC

Okay, so I'm in a little bit of a weird situation. It involves two guys so lets give them fake names of Bob and Bill (Just in case they are on here.) Okay, so Bob is a freshman and a wrestler. Bill is on our drum line and a junior. I've had a crush on Bill since I first met him longer then a year ago but he's been dating a girl on and off for a year and I'm the main reason they are still together. Bob is my boyfriend.

This is where I get confused. Bob told me the other day that he was in love with me. As hes been falling in love with me I've been falling out of like with him. I don't want to break up with him while his moms in the hospital either but they don't know why shes there. I feel like I'm being unfair to Bob because I can't get Bill out of my mind. I've been writing more music and I write and then read what I write afterward (you know how when you get into the groove you write without thinking about it. That's what I'm talking about.) The new song I'm working on is called Mentally Cheating on You.

I feel like the worst person right now because I'm pretty much playing with Bob's emotions. I don't know what to do and I've been reduced to tears because I'm so confused. None of my friends can help me... Bob is my first boyfriend and I don't know how I should feel when he told me that he loves me but I know it shouldn't feel better coming from Bill (he's joking about it by the way. It's something we say to each other after we insult each other.)

Am I ridiculous for feeling like a terrible person? I came here to ask for help because someone here might've gone through the same thing. If anyone can help please do.

You have to be true to Yourself! Don't "string" Bob along if you know you aren't in love with him.

It isn't fair to him because he is becoming deeper and deeper involved with you, But you have already made your choice in your head even if you haven't acted on it yet.

As for your feelings for Bill, you need to see where the relationship goes between him and the girl he is with or you can take the chance of ruining the friendship and telling him & him not feeling the same. Sorry I couldn't be more help.

I've been on both sides of this, in the same relationship. So if you have any specific quetions to ask me about how my relationship went, feel free. I dont get awkward, and Im totally fine sharing details about my relationship if it helps you out. I'll give you the general version, and you can ask me about specifics if you so desire


There is a lot of preface that is too long to type out, so if you want to hear all that, just ask. Our break up was not entirely based off of the events that occured in this post. There was a lot that lead up to it. This was just the stick that broke the camels back.
First, I was dating a girl for about a year. She ended up cheating on me. I forgave her, but never felt the same. I actually started falling out of love with her, and developed feelings for someone else. I felt like crap about it. I felt like I was doing to her, what she did to me. And trust me, her cheating on me hurt me more than anyones ever hurt me before. I ended up not talking to her for about 2 weeks. One day I decided I shouldn't be going after someone else, because the girl I was with was the girl that understood me the best. I texted her, and she told me we needed to talk.
She ended up breaking up with me, because she felt like or relationship had imploded. And looking back now, it really kind of did. I was heartbroken. I thought I needed to move on, but I realized I needed her. But I realized it too late.

Atleast thats what I thought...

I have spent the last month trying to win her back. She has expressed multiple times she still has feelings for me, but something went wrong in our relationship and she doesnt know if she can handle it. I told her what went wrong is we couldnt communicate. Our lack of communication caused mulitple problems throughout our relationship, and ultimately, that was our biggest downfall.

90% of a relationship is communication. Never forget that.

Today is the 1 month anniversary of our break up, and let me tell you what, I have learned a ton of things, that are very valuable in this month.

First, I was very very depressed for the first 2 weeks. Borderline Suicidal. Here is how I got through that though. I surrounded myself with friends. Every day. We went bowling, played pool, went swimming, et cetera. I made damn sure I wasnt alone. Second, I stumbled upon a quote... and It's one I've decided to base my life on now.

"There are some lessons you can only learn in the middle of a storm, because a clam sea never made a skillful sailor"

Third, I realized something. A relationship is not about finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Its about finding characteristics that you want in the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Also finding things you dont want in that person. The special someone will come naturally, when the time is right. First you need to find things you want and dont want in them, so that when that person comes along, you 2 are perfect for eachother. Its also about finding your own personal flaws, and figuring out where you need more work. For example- now I know I definitely need to work on my communication, because thats what killed my relationship.

Now, in your situation...
It sounds ike Bob cares deeply about you, and Bill really doesnt see you as much more than a friend. Bob is willing to do anything for you, whereas Bill just wants to makes jokes and be friends. If you cant see that Bob truly cares about you, far more than Bill does, then maybe its time to let Bob go, so that Bob can go have a relationship with a person will also appreciate him. I dont mean this in a mean or demeaning way. Sometimes chemistry isnt right. If you truly do not have feelings left for Bob, then let him go, so that he can go find a girl who he can have a healthy relationship with. It is very bad to lead him on. If its not right, its not right, and there is no shame in breaking up with him. It'd actally be better for him, and probably for you too.

Now... DO NOT go try and break up Bill's relationship. That will just cause a lot of problems, and end up hurting more people than needed. Trust me on this, there is nothing wrong with being single. Maybe take some time to be yourself and explore yourself. Meet sme new people, experience new things. Relationships take up a LOT of time, money, effort, and focus, and being in one limits some things in your life. Maybe take some time, be single, go out and try new things and see what happes. There is nothing wrong with that!

I hope I helped a little bit. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me

^ That's good advice!