Facebook issue - I'd like your opinion

[Ceallach]

A 'relative' (by marriage), with whom I've experienced tremendous difficulties with, had the _____________________ (insert your own derogatory term) to send a message to my brother yesterday, regarding some very personal & private family issues (involving me, my brother, & my parents, who have both passed away in the past 6 years). She made the post appear on my wall, as well.

YES! WALL!!!
Not a private message, not a text, but a public post on our FB walls!!!!!
FURY was my first reaction. Once I calmed down, I took a screen shot of the post, just to cover my own a--, then removed it. After considering what options were available, I decided to be the respectable, responsible, & mentally stable, adult: I didn't fire off a heated message OR post on her wall. I chose to keep silent.

My personal opinion holds that social forums are for staying connected, sharing laughs, landmarks, stories, opinions, etc. - a virtual public forum. I understand that sometimes we feel an intense need to vent, which is fine as long as no direct reference is made about the person being ranted about.
After all, many of our 'friends' are family, real friends, online friends, co-workers, and may others that a) have no desire to read such vitriol; b) don't need to know your personal business.

My question is this:
What's your opinion? Of her action, my reaction.....
What's your view of a social networking resource being used to, basically, libel (it's print, not verbal!) a person's integrity?
And, best of all:
What would you do? (Yes, I've already considered hiring someone to make a 4 hour round-trip drive, just to walk up, knock on her door, & slap her stupid.)

Thanks for your attention & your input!

[Cassie]

I can't keep my mouth shut, so I would have confronted her about it. Not let her see it angered me but make her feel bad and know she did something I didn't appreciate.

[Snowmonkies]

Your reaction seems like the best one possible for this kind of thing. You kept your cool but got evidence. If you really feel the need to do something, I'd suggest a private message calmly explaining why what she did was really not okay. Cussing people out is really satisfying (though I myself haven't had the nerve to do it to anyone) but doesn't really accomplish anything. Besides, sometimes it irks the other person even more when you make it look like you're above it than if you fight back fire to fire <.<
Honestly, even if you need to vent on someone, you do it privately. No need to put it on someone's wall for everyone to see and make it everyone's business when it doesn't need to be. That's where she was wrong. I often get the urge to have angry rants on my facebook about personal matters, but I never do it because for one, I don't want everyone knowing my personal stuff, and for two because they don't need to be involved in it.

[crystal08]

I think you handled the situation very professionally. Taking a screen shot of the message was a very smart thing to do. I have the same opinion regarding social media sites. I don't want my personal information posted and i would hope that if i were in a similar situation they would have the decency to send me a private message. Many people however do like to post personal matters so that's something you must always be aware of. I'd suggest if you have the persons phone number maybe send a text message letting them know that you don't appreciate what they did and that you'd like all comments made to you in private versus on a public platform. (but since they don't seem to care about keeping things private be prepared for more posts on your fb)

[Ceallach]

CASSIE - Trust me when I say that my first impulse WAS to go into a typing frenzy, telling her exactly where she could go, & what to do once she arrived! But I realized that response wouldn't just sink me to her level, but even lower.

SNOWMONKIES (love that name) & CRYSTAL -
Thank you for the positive reassurance, it truly helps.

The truth is, this individual is a manipulative narcissist, with MANY markers of antisocial personality disorder (aka: sociopath). She completely lacks the ability to feel empathy or compassion. I'm dual-majoring in Criminal Justice/Criminology & Psychology, so I even had the chance to speak to a couple of forensic psych professionals - about this post, as well as behavior she's exhibited in the past...basically a sort of case study.
The opinion was the same, across the board, with all 3 citing narcissism (which is a symptom/marker of ASPD) and firmly stating a belief that she's a true case of ASPD. They even went as far as telling me that it would be in my best interest if I could avoid any contact with her whatsoever. CREEPY.

Oh - BTW: I have "unfriended" her!
While it's nice to know what she's saying about me, it's also distressing & I don't need the misery. At least her garbage won't show up on my REAL friends' pages!

[angelbear425]

[Becky]

I probably would have slung a horrible insult with the most offensive expletives I could come up with. But I think your way was better. I hate it when people put ultra personal stuff on Facebook. If someone put my business out on a social network, I'd be livid.

[Ceallach]

LIVID!!!

Thank you, Becky, for adding another highly appropriate word to my collection of descriptive terms for my emotional state at that time!

I just finished talking about this with my brother & he thinks that what I did was perfect - that although the person claims to have posted 'mistakenly' when she 'thought' she was sending a private message, it was intentional - specifically in order to get a reaction out of ME.

Y'know, they say it's bad to disappoint people, to let them down. But sometimes, it feels SO DAMN GOOD!!! (Aside from it being the appropriate & "adult" thing to do.)

[Myst]

I admire your coolheadedness given the situation... certainly wish I was the same! Unfortunately I tend to react before fully thinking things through in situations like that. I'm a verrry private person, if anyone publicly posted embarrassing private stuff about me on a public forum I would be SO angry.

The unfriending definitely sounds like a good idea, certainly doesn't seem like a person (related or not) that you need to stay close to if that's how she's going to act... less stress for you!