Beautiful posts guys
What does the song "Maybe" mean to me?
I've always been the shy quiet girl who either followed a crowd or watched from afar because I didn't really fit in. All through school, I never really felt a part of the school. I wanted so much to be liked that I let people step all over me and use me. My zodiac sign is the LIBRA. From reading about Libra's, we don't like fighting and we like everything to be at peace and have balance. Growing up with a military father, everything always had to be work work work and nothing was ever good enough for him. Very little time for play. Even if we were to play, it was always "well don't you think you should be doing X,Y, & Z?" I lived my whole childhood and still to this day trying to make him approve. I'm 27 yrs old for god's sake and I still let him control my life. The emotional abuse and the fricken drama in this family just drives me crazy
Several years ago, the day after Valentine's Day, I tried to hurt myself. I was driving to work and just punched the gas because I was mad and hit some black ice and ended up spinning around a few times and hitting an old utility pole and banging up my car and trapping myself in. Snow trapped me in the car. I ended up having to call my parents for help. A neighbor, my father, and my brother in law came and dug me out, but they didn't know the real reason I ended up like that. I didn't want to be a part of this family anymore. You see it was the day after Valentine's Day and I was exhausted from the week before. My parents have always thought highly of my younger sister and thought trash of me. I guess I was jealous of how they percieved her. She screwed them over so badly in the last couple of years they have come to regret what they said about her, but for all my childhood up until a few years ago she was just the best worker at the flower shop and could basically do no wrong. I who am the owner and am running around with my head cut off doing several things at once trying to make everyone happy at the flower shop was lazy and not working hard enough. Well, some things have happened in the last couple of years that have well to put it bluntly sucked really bad. We lost both of our dogs to old age(they were a big part of this family for 12-13yrs), my grandmother passed away from cancer a few years ago (Easter Sunday) and my dad was recently diagnosed with cancer(he's hiding it from everyone-doesn't want anyone to know
).
Before my grandmother passed away she gave me a necklace with the initial "M" on it since we share the same initial. I put it on the day she passed away (Easter Sunday) a few years ago now and haven't taken it off. I wasn't super close to her (because she tried to push me to religion
and lived so far away), but tried to be in her last months. She got in that mood where you want to give everything away. She sent up some things to the house and one thing that she gave me was a small pillow that hangs on a door or a wall. I put it right above my headboard of my bed so that I would look at it every day when I got up to start my morning. It simply says "Enjoy Life, This is not a rehearsal" I looked at that pillow and thought of my grandmother and why she chose this pillow and why she chose to send it to me. She knew how my father can be
That my mother,sister, and I would always try to avoid confrontation w/him to try to make HIM happy. I think she could see how I was living my life and didn't want me to waste the years and then regret it.
"Maybe" just makes me think what the hell have I done with my life. Yes I am a business owner, but look at all the things I missed out on. Fear, having to grow up too fast, and the like have ruined it. You can't and more importantly SHOULDN'T live your life trying to make someone else happy. Wanting so badly for their love and approval of you. Before you know it too much time will have passed by. You gotta live life for you. You gotta do it now, you might not get another chance. Whenever I'm at work and I get a rude/pushy customer that tries to get over on me I take my fingers and rub my necklace and I think about that pillow above my headboard and I try to calmly handle the situation and not let them push me around. I try to have more self confidence and say that I am someone special, people do love me, and I don't deserve to be treated that way. "Maybe it's time to change, leave it all behind." "I've always been scared to try" "so why does it feel so wrong to reach for something more"-I think of making changes at the flower shop, but think am I only doing this to make him happy.
"Maybe" is such a beautiful song. Makes you look at and analzye your life for what you might not like and want/need to change. In this OBAMA day and age, everthing is about CHANGE. I just say I'll believe it when I see it.