Love/Hate poems to inanimate objects

[Jane]

This is the thread where you can say whatever you want to an inanimate object you love or hate, whatever the case may be. It can be any inanimate object. Don't hold back or worry about being too weird or crazy. Weird and crazy is good.

I will start with a hate poem to a clock:

My stupid clock,
You used to be reliable,
Keeping time pretty well
But lately, you have not been
keeping time at all

I tried to change your batteries,
but that doesn't work.
You have been using them up quickly
as if they were some sort of addictive drug.

So, as you can see, you leave me no choice
I know what I have to do
I'm going to put you
in the garbage can
and get a new clock
that will hopefully be more reliable
than you.

[Tweezlars]

Oh lol, get ready for me to fail. XD;

My dearest toaster,
I remember the first time we met.
I was in a Sears and there you were,
pristine,
beautiful,
toasty,
and I knew I had to have you.
You toasted beautifully for years, but as of late,
all you can do is
burn
the bread I so lovingly place in you.
It is a shame,
I mean,
we've been together for so long!
But I need a new toaster,
one that doesn't burn,
so we must part.
Goodnight, sweet toaster,
and a flight of angels bring you to your rest.

XD;

[Jane]

OMFG! I love the touches you added to it!

[Tweezlars]

Ha ha ha, thanks. XD;

[psycolovermonkey]

It took me awile to find this poem after I saw this thread ----- I wrote this when I was 16 and our kitchen apliances were flickering on and off (This is gunna look funny becouse I cant space right on a mobile) Refridgerater why do you yell at the toaster with your sizzling language ------------------ Did she cheat on you with the microwave or was it the stove ------------------ I dont understand you or the words you speak ------------------ But I kno that your angry becouse you constantly shut off and your light dosnt glow ------------------ Tell me why your mad my oh so white refridgerator and I will fix the problem ------------------ Tell me why your sad my buzzing refrigerator and I will find the cure ------------------ The toaster does not deserve you refridgerator ------------------ You are too sweet for her ----------------- Let her buzz to her self while you turn your light back on and chill the food inside you ----------------- Move on refridgerator move on